His Love Never Fails...

Do you know what it feels like to trust in God.  I mean REALLY trust in Him.  Not the kind of trust where everything is going great, yeah, God is blessing me.  But the kind that even when bad, horrible, disastrous things are happening you are still praising Him and full of joy and peace?  I think I have found that very place, and boy, let me tell you, it is an AMAZING place to be!

The default judgment I was previously granted for my divorce has been set aside as of Wednesday of last week. So I am now, in effect, UN-divorced!  Now before you start with the sympathy, let me tell you that I think it is a hoot and a half!  I mean how many people can say they are UN-divorced! It just cracks me up! So would you like to know the secret to my crazy weirdo joy?  TRUST!

I guess I should start at the beginning, its a very good place to start....

About a month ago my attorney informed me that the Motion to Vacate Judgement had been filed in relation to my divorce.  I reacted much like you might expect, with tears, anger, frustration, fear.  The fear, that's what got me. I am in Christ. There is no fear in Christ Jesus (I John 4:18).  I hate fear, because I KNOW that fear is of Satan, so if I am experiencing fear that means I am not trusting in the Lord!

So all that night and the next morning I was sad, worried, and afraid.  But then, I said out loud to a friend all the things that I was trying to think of.  Everything will be okay, God has a plan, Deuce is his child and I am only here to take care of him for God, that being so, God will not let anything befall Deuce that isn't inline with the path that God has for him.  Immediately all that apprehension, fear and worry disappeared!  I have not dwelt on any negative thoughts regarding the situation since.  If they try to creep in I just think or say the promises that my God has given me.

⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

³¹ 

but those who hope in the Lord    will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;    they will run and not grow weary,   they will walk and not be faint.   Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

I am so full of joy and peace.  I am not upset that I am now un-divorced.  As I said, I think it is quite funny! I know that God is in control, that he has a plan and I cannot even begin to fathom what it is.  I am just doing everything I can to stay obedient to God.  I will, "love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me" Matthew 5:44.   I will praise Him in this situation, because I know that no matter where I am He is still God. I know that he is just and loves his children. I know that He will work all things for His glory and for good for those who love Him!

I feel like I cannot give this topic justice.  I can't seem to put into words the way I feel.  I think I have finally truly fallen in love with my God. I  trust him completely. I rely on him solely. I long only for his voice and presence.  My only desire is that my contentment, peace, joy and strength will be a testament to the amazing awesomeness of what God can do when you are completely devoted to him!

Baptizm, What's the big deal?...

I would like to talk a little bit about the fact that I am being baptized on Sunday at church.  Baptism is not something that I have given much thought before the last couple of weeks.  I was baptized in the Eastern Orthodox Church as part of the initiation rites.  While it was a lovely ceremony, I don’t think I quite grasped the importance of it at that point.  Even now I think I am struggling a little as to what the importance of it is.  I am saved, something I have no doubt of, God is actively working in my life, I am inhabited by the holy spirit who leads me daily and I have given over my life to the Lord and strive to be completely obedient to His direction for my life.  So, what is the big deal with baptism?

 

I have dug in a little bit and found a couple of verses and some interesting points of view that have helped me understand a little bit better why I need to take this step.

1.       In Matthew 28: 19-20, Jesus said, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit ….”

 

2.       “Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.”  Romans 6:3-6

 

3.       “God’s people should be baptized because God commanded it, not because some church requires it.” ~ John R. Rice

So here is why I am being baptized.

             I am being baptized because Jesus commissioned it and God commands it. I am being baptized as an act of humility and submission to God.  I am obeying His command and showing those around me a symbol of my faithfulness and desire to be Christ-like in all that I do.

             As you well know I am a bit hard headed and it usually takes a little nudging at the very least for me to pay attention to what God is directing me to do.  Well I have been working on this and truly feel that I am improving in that area.  As an act of obedience and in an effort to do the right thing before I am “made” to, I am getting baptized on Sunday.

 
And now why are you waiting?

Arise and be baptized, and wash away your sins,

calling on the name of the Lord.

Acts 22:16

Blessings, Blessings, and More Blessings!

Well I know I have been missing for a couple of weeks, so I thought I would stop in to let everyone know that I am doing great. :)  I have had so many amazing things happen to me over the last few weeks. 

I was totally blessed to be involved with the planning of my church's fall banquet for women, "Bless Your Heart".  It was such a great event and the guest speaker gave some awesome words on being astounded by God!  I love serving and seeing others blessed by my obedience.

I was also used to bless a young woman who works at my son's daycare center. She hasn't been able to get her driver's license renewed and so has to take a taxi to and from work everyday.  The spirit urged me to offer her a ride last week and was able to bless her by giving her a ride home! 

God is allowing my faith to be tested as well this month.  My ex-husband finally obtained an attorney after my divorce was finalized and they have filed a "Motion to Vacate", which basically means that they are trying to get the judge to take back his decision to grant my request for divorce so that we have to go through all the arguing and fighting and stuff.  The only reason I can think that they have done this is because it was the only avenue open to them at this point for a chance to have the visitation changed in regard to my son without having to complete the things the judge ordered in the Divorce Judgement.  I am not at all worried about it.  I know that my God is in control and if a fight is what is required so be it. He has a plan and I am not about to try and second guess him.  I am not nearly smart enough to figure this out!

Finally, I have started following the teachings of Dave Ramsey! I am so excited about this part of my new journey.  I am making some big changes to my living situation in order to pay off the debt that will not be included in my bankruptcy.  It will be a drastic change, but if I can stick it out then I will hopefully be debt free within the next 2 1/2 to 3 years! I will then be able to work towards finding a home big enough for Deuce and I.  I cannot tell you how excited I get to do my budget every week and fund my envelope system. It is such a blessing to be able to do this and know that I am blessed with enough that I don't have to make the difficult decisions some families are faced with every month when they budget thier income.

Over all my life is supremely blessed and I am so thankful for all that God has done and continues to do in my life to not only bring me closer to him but also to guide me down the path he has for my life.  As we begin this holiday season over the next several weeks I hope you will be aware of God's presence around you and remember that as he has blessed you so greatly that you are to bless those who you come into contact with as well.

But those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

                                    Isaiah  40:31 (NIV)

In the Beginning, When the Going gets Tough, He Does What He Says He'll Do!

I think I somehow missed a week posting, I will try to make up for it this week!

As you all know, if you keep up with my blog, God has done some pretty amazing things in my life over the last year. I have been blessed many times over and God has taken me through some things I never thought I would have the strength or courage to go through. This week I have really been praying about what God wants me to do next. As you saw from my last post finances have been at the forefront as of late. I feel like he is really asking me to make some big changes, ones that will definitely have me stepping out in faith. They are long term and VERY goal oriented. As I was reading my dailies this week for Sunday School, and again in Sunday School and during the service, I feel like God just gave me a promise, that if I will remember, will help me in the future.

6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

                                                                       Philippians 1:6 (KJV)

God has shown us time and again through out the bible that if we will trust in him and follow his path he will be faithful. This morning we were looking at the story of Miriam, Moses's sister. She was a witness of God's power from a young girl. She saw how he protected her brother and insured his safety, how he brought that same brother forth to help free them from slavery in Egypt, and she sang praises to God when he parted the Red Sea for the Israelites to pass and then sent the waves over the Egyptians that followed. She received the manna from the skies when she was hungry in the desert and the water from the rock when there was no water to be found. She knew the power and goodness of God and yet she did not trust him when it counted the most.

Miriam questioned God and her brother, Moses. Things didn't seem to be happening in the the timing she thought was fair and she basically thought that she could do better. Because of her audacity and discontentment she was sent out of the camp for seven days to have a heart to heart with God. (Exodus 11 & 12) And ultimately, because of their lack of faith the Israelites as a whole had to wait 40 YEARS to enter the Promised Land, because even after everything God had done for them, they still didn't have enough faith to believe he would complete his work and give them the land he had promised them.

How often do we become discontented with where God has us, or how God is instructing us? Do you question his will for your life? Worse yet, do you wander from his path and try to accomplish things on your own? Do these attempts ever seem to end up working out the way you plan them? Most likely they don't. As I have learned the best way to accomplish your goals is to make sure they are of the Lord, follow his lead, and DON'T TRY TO MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN! So how do we remember how faithful the Lord has been in the past when the going gets rough? That was one of the questions we discussed in Sunday School, and the pastor answered it brilliantly in his sermon.

3 He blessed the seventh day and set it apart as a special day, because by that day he had completed his creation and stopped working.

                                                        Genesis 2:3 (GNT)

God took a day, just to enjoy his creation, he wasn't tired, it wasn't like he couldn't do more if he wanted to, he was just finished. He has created all that he wanted to create he had COMPLETED his work. God ALWAYS completes his work. There is no promise that God made in the old testament that he did not complete or fulfill. Not one! Sometimes it was a blessing and sometimes it was a curse, but if he said it he did it! He is a God of completion!

Do we set a time apart every week, or DAY, to reflect on what God has completed in our lives? How he has blessed us, or chastised us, or challenged us? I think this is the secret to keeping on track! Reminding ourselves as often as needed of all the ways God has been so faithful to us in the past and present so that when the going gets hard, the answers aren't coming quickly enough, or the trials are lingering, we know that God is a faithful God and what he begins he does finish! It may not be in our timing, but it will be in the perfect time, because God is perfect and he is just and all good things will come to those who wait upon him!

25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

                                                        Lamentations 3:25 (NIV)

And so I ask again, where is your hope? Do you stop to acknowledge everything the Lord has done for you regularly? When times get tough what is your reaction? What has God completed in your lives that is a testament to his faithfulness and love for you?

Bruce Lee, Goals, and Finance

A goal is not always meant to be reached; it often serves simply as something to aim at.

Bruce Lee

 

So I have been really thinking about my financial situation lately.  Where I am, where I want to be.  I have been listening to the playbacks of a great series that Lifechurch just completed called Strapped.  I’m not going to repeat the message for you, but if you want a great foundation for how to manage your money in a Godly way, I would highly recommend you check it out. 

What I would like to focus on are some basic money management practices I utilize as a single mom.  I know managing money is a challenge for anyone, but there is something about being a single mom that adds to the responsibility of money management.  In my case I am the sole provider for my son.  I have not started receiving child support, nor do I plan on including that as income if I do.  It is what I will use to begin an account for my son’s education and I may also use it to help build an emergency income account as well, since if something happens and I am unable to work I want to know I will be able to provide for him. 

So here are the things that I have found that are helping me stay on track. I think that most of these will work for anyone, regardless of the amount of your income.

1. MAKE A BUDGET every month and stick to it.  If you make out a budget and can see where all your money is going, you’re less likely to buy those little things here and there that end up making you short on money at the end of the month.  Be realistic and make sure you do give yourself some “fun money”, if you can afford it, for a burger or to buy a cute top, just know how much you have to spend and don’t spend anymore. 

2. PAY THE SAME AMOUNT ON YOUR UTILITIES EVERY MONTH.  I pay $100 for my electricity, $30 for my gas, and $65 for my water.  This works better than averaging your bill if your trying to budget because it is the same regardless of usage.  Right now I think I probably have a credit showing on my gas bill for this month.  This works because if you are paying more when the bill is less, then your building up credit for when you bill goes higher due to the seasons and hopefully you will never have to pay more than that amount!  If you take your bills over the last 6-12 months and average them, then add $20 to that amount you should be pretty safe, or you can call your electric and gas companies and ask them what the payment would be if you changed to average bill pay and then add $20 to the amount they say your bill will fluctuate around.  My electric usage averaged over the last 12 months was around $85.

3. START SAVING!  This is so important.  You should have an emergency savings account that you do not touch unless you have no other choice, with a minimum balance of $500, but ideally $1000. It will be tough saving it up, I know, but it will be a lifesaver when you have a blowout, or your car breaks down, or you or your child gets sick or you get laid off and can’t work for a week. Make sure when your doing your budget you keep in mind, you might have to sacrifice for awhile in another area in order to get this built up, but once you reach a certain amount you can redistribute SOME of that money if you need to.  The main thing is that you put SOMETHING in that account every month regardless of the balance.

4. USE CASH!  It makes your money more tangible and real to you and you will be more reluctant to blow it on just anything.  I must admit I have not done a great job at this, but in general I try not to swipe my debit card for much.  I do have a cool little deal on my checking account that rounds every purchase I make with my debit card up to the next dollar and puts the difference in my savings.  So I am saving while spending, however, I would not recommend it unless you are able to manage it properly.  As a rule the following should always be paid for in cash that has been designated for that expense, (ie. Groceries, fun money, sundries, etc.)  Dave Ramsey suggests the envelope system and I think that is a great way to manage the different areas of cash expenses. 

5. DO NOT BUY WHAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD!  Do NOT use credit cards. Do not get loans for anything other than a mortgage or a USED vehicle loan with a term 4 years or less.  If at all possible get that car paid off ASAP!  If you find you want something you do not have extra cash for then save up for it after you have contributed to your emergency fund and paid all your other monthly expenses.

6. If you have lots of debt then seek advice, get rid of it, you CAN DO IT! I highly recommend looking into Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University classes.  I just signed up to do mine online.  It will cost you a little bit, but it is an investment in your family’s future and it is worth it.  It is the only thing I would say to use your emergency fund money for that isn’t an emergency if you have no other way to pay for it.

I know at this point your thinking, gee that sounds great, good for you, I could never do that.  YES YOU CAN! All you have to do is find your motivation, focus on that and push forward. Sometimes you will feel like your doing the whole one step forward, two steps back, but KEEP PUSHING! It will work and you will be better for it.  My goal is pay off my car and save up enough money in the next 5 years for a down payment on a bigger home that will fit my son and I and then to have that paid off in another 5-7 years so that within 10 - 12 years I will be completely debt free with nothing more than monthly bills to worry about. 

Remember, goals aren’t always meant to be achieved; sometimes we will fly by them and hit something even bigger, sometimes we will come up short, but still WAY ahead of where we would have been otherwise.  The reward is in the doing, not the achieving.  Your reward in learning to manage your finances is that you will have less stress, more security and more time to enjoy your life.

Here are a few things the bible says about managing finances:

Romans 13:8 

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

Proverbs 22:7

The rich rule over the poor and the borrower is the slave of the lender.

1 Timothy 6:10

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

I hope that some or all of this will help all you independent and strong single mommies become even more self-sufficient and stable.  I am excited about discovering all this great advice and guidance and that I have scripture to teach me how to be Godly with my finances. 

 

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

                                                            James 1:17

A Path, Some Lust, and a Bowl O' Stew

I have had some trouble writing this afternoon.  I'm not sure why, but I am going to push on through and hopefully this will make sense once I reach the end. 

I have been listening to some of the old series on Lifechurch.tv a lot this week.  While I don't personally like the design of their church, I do enjoy listening to Pastor Groeschel preach.  I do believe he has a great heart for God and so far I haven't heard anything that he has taught on stray from the word of God.  He isn't afraid of saying it like it is.  One of the series I listened to was called Weird.  (It was great if you have the chance to watch it I would highly recommend it.)  That and my Sunday school lesson today, along with some other things I have been listening and thinking about, have really spoken to my heart.  I have always kind of gone against the norm, I like being different, until I feel like being who I am is keeping me from being one of the crowd.  Then I have always felt that maybe there was something wrong with me and perhaps I might need to alter who I am so that I wouldn't feel separate.  That was then.  Now I realize that it's okay to be different, the bible tells us, 

⁹ But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;

                                                   1 Peter 2:9 

We are called to be peculiar! Peculiar is GOOD! I am proud of being different if in that difference I am showing those around me what it looks like to live like a CHRISTian and to follow the narrow path that God has placed before me.  Jesus said in Matthew 7:

¹³ Enter ye in by the narrow gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many are they that enter in thereby. ¹⁴ For narrow is the gate, and straitened the way, that leadeth unto life, and few are they that find it.

I don't know about you, but I want to be one of those few.  So how do we stay on that path?  If we go back over to 1 Peter, he tells us,

¹¹ Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;

¹² Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.

So basically, be honest, above reproach, humble, and pure, a reflection of Christ!  We must figure out what our lusts are, what our idols are, the things that pull us away from God's grace and diligently guard our hearts from following them away from the path God has placed us on.  Everyone battles at least one of these things.  For me I would have to say it is lust.  

I long to be in love, to feel that excitement, to be enamored by someone and feel that they are the same towards me.  I know now that I have to be very careful about what I watch and listen to and what I am thinking so that I can protect myself from falling into the traps that are waiting for me.  It might be that I don't watch a certain movie or show, sometimes I have to stop listening to a certain song or type of music.  I do not want to tempt myself to go outside of God's plan for me and find a quick fix for those longings.  If I were to do that I would only end up back in the mess God just led me out of.  Some people never learn this and are doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again.  I have no desire to fall into that category so I am determined to keep my focus on God and not on my fleshly desires.  Psalms 37:4 says, "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." I truly believe that God has something great planned for me and whatever it is I want to be completely available to him so that He can lead me through that plan. 

I know that this is a not an easy concept to get ones head around. The world today is all about please me now, not later, and why waits. But really what good does it do? To buy something on credit that you want now, just to pay three times as much for it eventually when you finally get it paid off, and by then not even want it anymore!  To meet someone your sexually attracted to, mistake it for love and get married, only to realize a little way down the road that it was not what you wanted and so you get a divorce! This is not the way life is supposed to work. That is not God's plan for anyone. 

The story of Esau and Jacob is a great example of what can happen if we demand that our wants now are met immediately in trade for our greater reward later.  Esau traded his birthright to his little brother Jacob for a bowl of stew.  Think about that he traded his spot in "the God of Abraham, Issac and Esau", for A BOWL OF STEW! Because he had to have that bowl of stew right then, we now say "the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob".  

So think about it, what path are you following? Are you on that narrow path that leads to Heaven or are you on that nice easy wide path that leads to destruction? What is your bowl of stew? What are you trading for immediate gratification that you might regret not having further down the road? Are you delighting in the Lord or yourself? I leave you with this last instruction from Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." 

    

CONVICTED

con·vic·tion

 noun \kən-ˈvik-shən\

Definition of CONVICTION

1

: the act or process of finding a person guilty of a crime especially in a court of law

2

a : the act of convincing a person of error or of compellingthe admission of a truth

b : the state of being convinced of error or compelled to admit the truth

3

a : a strong persuasion or belief

b : the state of being convinced

Conviction...what is conviction? Well in this case it is me coming to terms with the fact that I am still not quite there. As you may have noticed in some of my previous entries I am a bit hard headed and not exactly quick to obey the urging of the holy spirit. Why? Why is it so hard for me to just hear and obey? What is it that is keeping me from obeying God in EVERYTHING EVERYDAY? Unfortunately the answer is simple. Me. We are all selfish my nature. We are not naturally disposed to being obedient to anything. One of my favorite verses is Romans 7:15 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Boy do I relate to that! I feel like time and time again I have faltered. Just look at my past entries!

So what am I supposed to do? How do I overcome this disobedient and defiant streak I have? Again the answer is simple, yet oh so hard. Choose to. That's it, choose to obey, choose to die to myself and follow the lead of the Lord everyday. Consciously make the decision that “not my will but Yours be done”. Mark 14:36. Jesus even commanded Simon in the Garden of Gethsemane “Watch with me and pray lest the tempter overpower you. For though the Spirit is willing, the body is weak.” Mark 14:38. I think that is so applicable today and a warning that should be headed by every Christian. Your self, your flesh, your body, is always going to be more willing to follow evil. It is the product of Adam and Eve's sin in the Garden of Eden and today more than ever Satan has so many different things to tempt us with. We now live in a world more sinful than ever. We must choose to strengthen our spirit through prayer and the Word of God so that we can choose to obey GOD in EVERYTHING EVERYDAY!

So I am choosing today, before God has to beat it into my head, to obey His urging. I have been convicted of the fact that I am not spending enough time with him. And so for the next little while I am going to set aside the things that are keeping me from him and just focus on my relationship with him. He is calling to me and I want to obey and follow him. I want to dwell in his presence and feel his peace surrounding me. I want to become obedient to his voice so that he can use me fully and completely in all that I do.

What has God convicted you of? What has he been urging you to do? Have you truly chosen to obey him completely or are you still riding that fence between selfishness and righteousness where you can convince yourself that what you want is what God wants for you just because you want it? I lived there for a long time and trust me, it will not get you to where you need to be. Choose God, Choose to Obey!

My Testimony or How I Got From There to Here

When I was seventeen a friend I had met while on vacation noted this verse in a letter she gave me when I left..

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.       Jeremiah 29:11 - 13

God had put this verse on her heart for me, she said. I remembered it and stored it away with all the other verses I knew. But this one was different and the Holy Spirit reminded me of it over and over again through out the next several years. However, I only just recently began to truly understand its meaning and promises.

My testimony is not a salvation story. I asked the Lord into my heart as a small child and for the first ten or so years of my life I was raised in a charismatic, spirit filled, God can do all things, world. While some of those beliefs continued on into my teens, most fell to the way side as my parent's relationship with God changed. What my early years did give me was an amazing foundation of knowledge.

I guess the best way for me to explain how I am learning to get it right now is to tell you how I got it wrong first, and how God was guiding me to Him, even when I didn't know it. As a teen and young adult I did not have a personal relationship with Christ. Because I was separated from Christ, I was on a mission to make MY dreams come true instead of following the advice of Jeremiah 29:11-13. Unfortunately, I did not realize the importance of marrying a true believer until after I had been married for about nine months. It wasn't something I could really change, I was married, I had made a commitment....for life. And so for the first time in my relationship with my husband I sought the Lord's guidance. I did discover some hope for my marriage in I Peter 3:1-2

3 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

And so I had found a mission. My new goal in life was to be so perfect and wonderful that my husband would see it and think “golly I really want to know Christ!” And so began my journey to be the perfect, selfless, willing to do anything you want so you are happy, wife. I didn't try to accomplish this by being a Godly woman, or by trusting in Christ to guide me and be my strength. So in reality, I wasn't being a reflection of Christ or his love at all! My husband was the center of my world and I lived to make him happy!

Let me explain a little bit about what happens when you live your life for someone or something. You will never feel happy or complete. Oh, you will for awhile, but you will find in general that life is more of a tilt-a-whirl type ride than a ferris wheel ride. You see, life with Christ at the center is like taking a ride on a ferris wheel. Life goes up and down, it's not always easy and there may be some rocky moments, but you are always right there with the Lord. He stabilizes you and makes it a smoother ride. You can count on him being there in your ups and your downs and know that if you will hold on to him in the downs he will bring the good around again.

Now, life without the Lord, well it's just a little crazy and out of control. You still have life's ups and downs, but in trying to figure out what is wrong and how to control the situation you you can end up all kinds of dizzy, not knowing which way is up or down. You go down into depression, anxiety, and worry, trying to figure out a solution to an impossible problem. You will find something that seems to make you happy or “fix” the situation, but the problems always come back again with a vengeance to take you on another wild ride. The only way to truly over come your problems is to give them over to Christ and make Him the center of your life.

After almost five years of riding that wild tilt-a-whirl kind of life, I slowly started to hear God through the mess. First I heard him tell me to find a church home. It took about a month of prodding, but eventually I did find my church home. I felt welcomed and at home immediately it was so nice to be among genuine people who cared. I wish I could say that I found the church haven't missed a day since, but that isn't the case. I was not a regular for some time. But God had put some amazing women in my path and they were persistent and did not give up on me or forget about me. They saw me as worth caring for even though at the time I did not see myself that way. I felt I was “worthless”, but they didn't. They cared and that was something I hadn't felt in such a long time. It gave me hope that maybe there was something better.

My marriage had become toxic. Not only to my husband and me, but to his daughter and our son. After a near mental and emotional breakdown due to decisions and choices that my husband had made and I had allowed, I finally looked for help. I went to my pastor and asked him for his advice. I didn't want to give up on my marriage, I didn't want to quit, but I wanted to be happy again and feel like I was alive, that I was of value, and that I mattered. He helped me to realize that I couldn't change Chris, I couldn't make him become a christian, no matter how good a wife I tried to be. I also realized that I had no idea what a Godly wife was. And here is where Jeremiah 29:11-13 comes back in, I read that verse again, really read it and what it said. I started focusing on what God wanted from me, who he wanted me to be, I started praying and reading and filling myself with the truth of the Word of God. I felt joy and peace, my husbands words and actions didn't bother me nearly as much anymore. God was becoming my center. I talked to Him constantly, and His spirit ministered to my heart. People were beginning to see a difference in me, they could see the change, I was over flowing with the joy of the Lord!

Unfortunately, this transformation was not having a positive affect on my marriage. The closer I became to God, the further my husband pulled away. He too could sense a change and he did not appreciate it. He was threatened by my new foundation, my new peace and joy. He did not understand it, nor did he want to. The words that would have caused me to cower and feel bad about myself previously, didn't have the same affect any longer. I believe he could feel his control over me slipping. Although I was leaning on God and his truth, I was still feeling unsettled about my marriage, mainly my husbands activities, words, and actions.

The tipping point for me was the night I was brought home by my friend from the ER with my foot in a splint, no crutches and a husband passed out on the couch from whatever substance he had taken that evening. I left the next morning, after a night full of verbal abuse, and did not return to my home again until my husband had left. I could no longer live with his lies, blame, selfishness, or abuse. I believe that I had backed myself into such a corner that there was only one way out and, unfortunately, that was through divorce. If I had not I am certain my marriage would have been detrimental not only to my mental, emotional and physical well-being, but to my son's as well.

I am aware that divorce is not something that we as Christians should see as an option, and I know that God does not condone divorce, but I have come to the realization that God will do ANYTHING necessary to find a lost lamb and bring it back to His fold. At no point during my marriage was I within the will of God. I would search it out, but then I would fall away again just as quickly. Christ was not the center of my universe, I had no stability. But looking back now, I can see Him working in my life unbeknownst to me, in an amazing orchestration that eventually led me right into His arms. I cannot begin to describe the feeling I had when I finally got to the point where I realized the only comfort and safety I was going to find was in His loving embrace and so I closed my eyes visualized myself climbing up into His lap as if I were a child and feeling His loving arms wrapping around me, protecting me.

There is a story that I heard Sheila Walsh tell recently at a woman's convention.

There are certain lambs that are born who are rejected by their mothers. It is a common placed occurrence within the shepherding community. These lambs are called bummer lambs. When a shepherd sees that a lamb is being rejected by it's mother, he gathers it into his arms and adopts it. He feeds it, keeps it with him, talks to it and carries it close to his heart so that the lamb can hear the shepherds heart beat and know it is loved. Once the bummer lambs are strong enough, they are released back into the fold with the other sheep and become one of the flock. But, when the shepherd stands at the gate and calls the sheep to him, it is the bummer lambs that come running first and the quickest, because they know his voice and that they are loved by him.

I am a bummer lamb. I was lost, rejected, destroyed, and Jesus found me scooped me up and held me in His arms, guiding me through this change in my life. I know with the greatest of certainty that I am now right where God wants me to be, that I am doing what He has planned for me to do. I seek Him out in all that I do. Ask Him for His guidance and His wisdom. He is the center of my universe, the only person I live to serve now. The only thing I focus on. He has lifted me up from the ashes and given me a new life. He is refining me and creating me into something I never knew I could be. The journey is not over yet, on the contrary, it has only just begun, but I finally understand the verse that my friend gave me so very long ago.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.       Jeremiah 29:11 - 13

I now seek the Lord with all my heart, I seek out His plans and He blesses me with His answers. I am prospering in His will more than I ever did outside of it. He is giving me dreams and visions of things to accomplish that I can never do alone. But He is faithful and He is attentive and he will perfect me, creating me into something beautiful, magnificent and amazing.

3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver;he will purify and refine them like gold and silver. Then the Lord will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness...                   Malachi 3:3

Are you a bummer lamb. Do you feel alone, lost, rejected? Jesus is there, he is waiting to scoop you up off the crazy ride you are on and hold you close to his heart. He want's to show you the path that God created you to follow. He will love you more than you have ever been loved and you will never be the same. All you have to do is let go, ask him to show you the way, then follow where he leads. I know how hard it can be to release that control, especially if you have been living your life for someone or something else. I also know that if you will take that step of faith, you will find that everything that you have been fighting to hold on to will fall into place. God has an amazing plan for you but you will never know what it is until you live your life for him. I am where I am today because God led me here step by step and I am more than I ever imagined I could be. He can do the same for you. God commands my destiny, and no one and no thing will ever lead me away from His will again. So, who commands yours?

All of Me...Why Not Take All of Me

In the last four months God has shown me his unwavering love for me. He has been my hero, my confidant, my guide, my protector...you get the picture hopefully! :) But for the last month or so I have been nudged several times by the Spirit. He kept reminding me that I was the Temple of the Lord. Yes, I would think, I should probably start respecting myself more as such. But it never went any further. I have still been thinking negative and sinful thoughts, I have still done things that I know God would not approve of, I still (and I only realized this in Sunday school today) lusted after what my sinful nature saw as love and companionship and completion.

Stupid girl. 

This morning at church God pressed our pastor to change his sermon for me. Yes I know this sounds silly, I'm really not so conceited to think that the world revolves around me in this way, many people were blessed by this I believe. 

I needed to hear this and I wasn't paying enough attention to the Spirit. So, instead of preaching on Genesis, (which I thought was soo cool because we just started a bible study on Wednesday night's about Revelation, we will get back to it next Sunday), he spoke about being fully committed and coming before the Lord with arms open wide, in complete vulnerability and wholeheartedly committing to obeying His will in order to fulfill our responsibilities as the Temple of God.

3 Now Solomon .... knelt in front of the entire community of Israel and lifted his hands toward heaven. 14 He prayed,

“O LORD, God of Israel, there is no God like you in all of heaven and earth. You keep your covenant and show unfailing love to all who walk before you in wholehearted devotion.

                                               2 Chronicles 6:13-14

3 Listen closely, Israel, and be careful to obey. Then all will go well with you, and you will have many children in the land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, promised you. 4 “Listen, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone.t5 And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. 6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.

                                                                   Deuteronomy 6:3-6

BOOM! He strikes again (the Lord that is), and so I went forward and relinquished that last little bit of control I was hanging on to. Released those desires that I hadn't truly trusted to God's loving care for fear that they would never be fulfilled. Then I asked my pastor to anoint me with holy oil and while he prayed he proclaimed over me and requested fulfillment of all of the things I had just knelt and prayed silently to the Lord. My pastor had no way of knowing them, yet when he prayed over me he prayed specifically for them. 

And so you see, because my pastor is sensitive to the Spirit and obeyed God's instructions, I am finally free of the fear that I was hanging on to and can now become even closer to the Lord than I was before. It can now be a back and forth relationship, instead of me just taking and offering nothing in return. He is and has been so faithful to me and now in return I will be able to be more faithful to Him in all things and my body can be the Temple He deserves to have. 

This song is a reminder to me every time I hear it of the Lord's love for me. And a reminder that He is the only one that can truly love me the way I desire to be loved. Until I truly understand this, I know God will not allow me to be loved by another. And now, I'm perfectly fine with that. 

(I change the "us's" to "me's" when I sing it (: )

How He Loves

And He is jealous from me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions

Eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are

And how great Your affections are for me

And oh, how He loves us, oh

Oh, how He loves us, how He loves us all

And He is jealous from me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions

Eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are

And how great Your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves, yeah, He loves us

Oh, how He loves us, oh, how He loves us

Oh, how He loves

And we are His portion and He is our prize

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don't have time to maintain these regrets

When I think about the way

Oh, how He loves us, oh

Oh, how He loves us, how He loves all

How He loves

Yeah, He loves us, oh, how He loves us

Oh, how He loves us, oh how He loves

Oh, I love

Yeah, He loves us, yeah, He loves us

How He loves us, oh, how He loves us all

Read more: DAVID CROWDER - HOW HE LOVES LYRICS http://www.metrolyrics.com/how-he-loves-lyrics-david-crowder.html#ixzz261zYJuwn

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Anger, Reaction, and God

I asked God to reveal to me this last week how to react to a certain person with His love and grace. Obviously this was not something I felt I was doing very well on my own. In true God awesomeness he showed me, and showed me, and showed me. I guess this was a big thing I needed to learn because He made sure that I got it.

I had the privilege of attending a Sisters event at Lifechurch.tv with some friends this weekend and one of the speakers was Lysa TerKeurst, founder of Proverbs 31 Ministries and author of the new New York Times Bestseller, Unglued (I have not yet read this book, but I have a 40% off coupon for Mardels and I will be using it this next week to purchase it). According to Lysa there are two types of people in this world when it comes to dealing with conflict or emotional situations, The Exploders and the Stuffers. When faced with an emotionally negative situation we tend to either erupt and let the the other person know just what they have done and how it makes us feel or we pretend everything is okay and ignore that we feel angry or hurt or violated and stuff it way down out of the way so that everything can stay peaceful. After Lysa, the beautiful Amy Groeschel spoke about how we should react to situations according to I Corinthians 13. All about love, what love is, how we show that love, and speak in love, even when we have been hurt or are angry or frustrated.

Love is patient and kind,

never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud,

never haughty or selfish or rude.

Love does not demand its own way.

It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.

It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth.

I Corinthians 13:4 - 6

You are probably thinking, "Wow, that's awesome! God answered her question in that message!"....Yeah, I liked it they were great messages, but, sadly, I didn't feel that they were necessarily meant for me. I know, I know....I'm a little hard headed sometimes and it takes a bit for stuff to sink in.

God in his infinite wisdom, decided to make it a weekend course though, so Saturday morning when I woke up the topic of my devotional was about God being the center of your mind and body, and how when you feel your focus wandering away from that center to whisper His name and return your focus to Him. This helped with answering my question to a point because I felt that was not following God's will in my reactions toward this person at times.

But the nail got hit on the head this morning! Title of sermon "Building Bridges Through Anger and Conflict". First thing on the notes insert

Explode.................................................Implode

According to my pastor, there are two types of characters when it comes to dealing with conflict, those who explode and those who implode. Those who explode will lash out and let the person or people around them know all about it. Those that Implode will stuff those feelings down so that they can keep the peace and not have to have an uncomfortable conversation.

I'm pretty sure that my pastor did not attend the women's event at Lifechurch. But there is was again. Explode or Stuff, Explode or Implode, Potato, Patatoe. God wanted me to get this point. And trust me, I have.

The balance is in being able to react in a Christ-like way. Sometimes that may be saying nothing, sometimes it might be talking about the problem and letting the other person know whats going on. But extreams of either are not what God wants. There are some key things that I got out of the messages I received this weekend.

1. Anger is a secondary emotion. Usually, your anger is a bi-product of some hurt, fear or frustration. And sometimes it may have nothing to do with the person that your spewing on! Figure out what the truth is.

2. If you don't know how to handle a situation PRAY! Ask God for guidance. Bring Him to the center of the situation. "If you need wisdom, if you want to know what God wants you to do, ask Him, and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking." James 1:5

3. Act Slowly! There is something to the whole, "count to ten before you speak" bit when your in an emotional or frustrating situation. Give God the chance to speak to your heart and bring His wisdom to you before you start in on the situation. Remind yourself of I Corinthians 13. Pray for guidance. Let your temper subside. "Wise people think before they act; fools don't and even brag about it!" Proverbs 13:16

Ultimately what I realized through this lesson is although I thought I had forgiven this person of the hurtful things that he had done to me, I was still holding that anger and bitterness deep down in my heart. So deep I wasn't even aware it was there, but it was causing me to say ungodly and mean things about that person to others. It was causing me to feel angry at him and still hurt because I hadn't dealt with it. But this week God pulled some of that out of my heart and at the end of the church service today I gave that hurt and anger and bitterness to the Lord and asked him to heal that part of my heart so that I can have more room for His Joy, His Peace, His Love and His Grace.

We all go through difficult things, we all have disagreements with those around us, we all have emotions that flair up, God created us this way, those are the things that make us human and special. What he doesn't want is for us to use those things to hurt others. We were created to be in communion with the Lord, He should be the center of all we do, and if he is then when we are faced with these situations we can react with the love and the grace of the Lord and show those around us that there is a better way.