God Loves Me Most...

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.
                                                        1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NLT)

 

I am sure that I am not alone in my struggle with sexual purity. Seeing as this blog is a chronicle of how God is shaping me into an amazing person, I feel I would be remiss if I did not write about my journeys of late in the hopes that it may help someone else along their journey and also as a reminder to myself of the lesson learned.

 

I wandered have off the path for a bit.  I felt the need to "look" for God's match for me instead of waiting for God to bring him to me when I was ready for him.  It is so true that we often want for ourselves what is not best for us.  It is so easy to convince ourselves that what we are wanting is what God wants for us! Justifying this, rationalizing that, before we know it we will find ourselves knee deep in the gunk we had worked so hard to climb out of such a short time before. Alas, that is exactly where I found myself!

17-20 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

 

                                                                Romans 7:18 (MSG)

I chose to become sexually active.  I was chastised by my dear friend who reminded me of the promises I had made to myself and to God as well as how God saw the subject. While I heard what she said it took me a few days to work through. I spent several days trying to rationalize my disobedience and how it was okay and how I deserved to be able to experince this kind of relationship. 

12 If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. 13 The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

                                                                   I Corinthians 10:12

But then the spirit started really dealing with me. I was chastised for my choices, which in truth I knew were wrong all along. As the spirit really started talking to me I was asked this question,

"Who do you love the most?"

"God" I replied.

"Who loves YOU more?"

"God" I said.

I want to please Him. I want to make Him proud and I want to feel His closeness.  I have been choosing to do things that have pulled me away from Him lately. I was starting to feel scattered and insecure. Unless you have experienced this centered perfect place in Christ for yourself, there is no way for me to describe the wonderful peace and joy that is there.  Once you have experienced it though it is something you will long for if you are not in it. I am finding my way back again.  I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  My mind feels clear and my heart feels light.  I am choosing my God over myself.  His will over my own. I am choosing to be obedient to Him and trust in His plan for me instead of my own in this area.

 

Something I learned last summer has really stuck with me and that is to consider each desicion you make not on it's immediate result but how it will affect your life in the long run.  I have been making choices based on what I feel in that moment and it has not served me well.  My focus has been on my flesh and it's wants instead of God and His truth. The bad news is that I cannot take back the choices I made and I have to live with them.  The good news is that my God is one of mercy and grace and that with the my obedience and confession of my failures He will forgive me and I can start today renewed in the knowledge that I belong to my God first and always will.