Hello, my name is Annie and I am an addict...

Hello, my name is Annie and I am an addict.  I am addicted to food and not the good kind. It controls my thoughts, my actions, my emotions, my finances…it controls my life.

How you may ask have I come to this realization? Well just this morning I was in line at the drive-thru waiting for my breakfast and on the verge of tears, knowing I should not be getting it because:

1. I know it is crap and not good for me.

2. I do not have the money to be spending on the food in the first place. 

3. I constantly have a mental battle of desire for and guilt about eating crap.

4. This is an ongoing cycle, not just a one-time occurrence.

Yes, food addiction is a real thing. No, you are not crazy. No, I am not crazy. Starches affect your brain the same way drugs, alcohol or nicotine does.  I am finally coming to terms with this. 

This is not just about making good food choices.

This is not just about eating healthier and drinking more water.

It is bigger than that.

It is going to involve me being completely honest with myself. It is going to involve me becoming disciplined and intentional. The truth of it is I cannot do this.  I will fail miserably. I already have. The bigger truth is that I need the Holy Spirit and God’s strength if I ever wish to overcome this and I know I can with His help. 

So is it worth it? Not EVER being able to eat certain things again. Knowing that if I do I will be falling back into addiction.  Let us look at the Pros and Cons and see which win out.

PROS	CONS
LESS FATIGUE	NO PIZZA
LESS ANXIETY/DEPRESSION	NO FAST FOOD/MEXICAN
MORE ENERGY	NO STARCH LOADED BREAKFASTS BURRITOS/SANDWICHES/HASHBROWNS ETC.
WEIGHT LOSS	NO BREAD
GOOD HEALTH	NO CEREALS
MORE CONTROL OVER FINANCES	NO CAKES/ICE CREAMS/REFINED SUGAR
NO GUILT	LOSS OF SOME CONVIENIENCE
CLEAR MIND	LOSS OF COMFORT
SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR OTHERS
BEING AN OVERCOMER IN CHRIST

I think it is safe to say that the Pros have won out. You would think that anyways. Nevertheless, even as I look at the list on the left and know the truth, I have knots in my stomach and can feel the anxiety rising at the thought of never being able to indulge in the foods listed on the right. Sad, I know.

On a positive note, it is so exciting that God is allowing me to experience yet another trial that will draw me closer to Him and make me stronger! It will also expand my testimony and bring more glory to Him as I overcome this stronghold!

So the next question is how am I going to begin? The following are the steps that, with the help of my nutritionist, I have determined I should take first.Start a continuing list of my craving triggers, trigger foods and alternative non-food related responses to said triggers.

1. Start taking the medication my Dietitian prescribed.  I have gone back and forth about taking this medication for a few months now. The strongest excuse being that my insurance will not cover it so it will be a pretty chunk out of my pocket every month on top of everything else. However, if I really put it in perspective, I blow just as much money on eating all the crap. It would be better spent overcoming my addiction rather than feeding it.
2. Discipline. I have noticed that God usually starts easing me into the next years focus about this time of the year. This year has been Intimacy with God, of which I have definitely experienced an increase. I have a feeling Discipline will be next years. I will never be able to achieve all God has planned for me without it and it is not one of my strengths.
3. Prayer. I do not believe I can do this without it. It will be vital in my growth of discipline and success.
4. Focus on God. This may be the last step listed, but it is the most vital of all of them. Without my focus being on God I will not succeed, I will not overcome, I will not be able to glorify Him.  He alone is the foundation for all good things.

As I close, I would like to ask something of you, dear reader. Please pray for me. Pray for my deliverance from this addiction, strength in the battle, and perseverance.  

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to CLEANSE us from all unrighteousness.  

I John 1:9

Be blessed,

-   ~ A