I
asked God to reveal to me this last week how to react to a certain
person with His love and grace. Obviously this was not something I
felt I was doing very well on my own. In true God awesomeness he
showed me, and showed me, and showed me. I guess this was a big thing
I needed to learn because He made sure that I got it.
I
had the privilege of attending a Sisters event at Lifechurch.tv with
some friends this weekend and one of the speakers was Lysa TerKeurst,
founder of Proverbs 31 Ministries and author of the new New York
Times Bestseller, Unglued (I have not yet read this book, but I have
a 40% off coupon for Mardels and I will be using it this next week to
purchase it). According to Lysa there are two types of people in
this world when it comes to dealing with conflict or emotional
situations, The Exploders and the Stuffers. When faced with an
emotionally negative situation we tend to either erupt and let the
the other person know just what they have done and how it makes us
feel or we pretend everything is okay and ignore that we feel angry
or hurt or violated and stuff it way down out of the way so that
everything can stay peaceful. After Lysa, the beautiful Amy
Groeschel spoke about how we should react to situations according to
I Corinthians 13. All about love, what love is, how we show that
love, and speak in love, even when we have been hurt or are angry or frustrated.
Love
is patient and kind,
never
jealous or envious, never boastful or proud,
never
haughty or selfish or rude.
Love
does not demand its own way.
It
does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it
wrong.
It
is never glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth.
I
Corinthians 13:4 - 6
You
are probably thinking, "Wow, that's awesome! God answered her
question in that message!"....Yeah, I liked it they were great
messages, but, sadly, I didn't feel that they were necessarily meant
for me. I know, I know....I'm a little hard headed sometimes and it
takes a bit for stuff to sink in.
God
in his infinite wisdom, decided to make it a weekend course though,
so Saturday morning when I woke up the topic of my devotional was
about God being the center of your mind and body, and how when you
feel your focus wandering away from that center to whisper His name
and return your focus to Him. This helped with answering my question
to a point because I felt that was not following God's will in my
reactions toward this person at times.
But
the nail got hit on the head this morning! Title of sermon "Building
Bridges Through Anger and Conflict". First thing on the notes
insert
Explode.................................................Implode
According
to my pastor, there are two types of characters when it comes to
dealing with conflict, those who explode and those who implode.
Those who explode will lash out and let the person or people around
them know all about it. Those that Implode will stuff those feelings
down so that they can keep the peace and not have to have an
uncomfortable conversation.
I'm
pretty sure that my pastor did not attend the women's event at
Lifechurch. But there is was again. Explode or Stuff, Explode or
Implode, Potato, Patatoe. God wanted me to get this point. And
trust me, I have.
The
balance is in being able to react in a Christ-like way. Sometimes
that may be saying nothing, sometimes it might be talking about the
problem and letting the other person know whats going on. But
extreams of either are not what God wants. There are some key things
that I got out of the messages I received this weekend.
- Anger is a secondary emotion. Usually, your anger is a bi-product of some hurt, fear or frustration. And sometimes it may have nothing to do with the person that your spewing on! Figure out what the truth is.
- If you don't know how to handle a situation PRAY! Ask God for guidance. Bring Him to the center of the situation. "If you need wisdom, if you want to know what God wants you to do, ask Him, and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking." James 1:5
- Act Slowly! There is something to the whole, "count to ten before you speak" bit when your in an emotional or frustrating situation. Give God the chance to speak to your heart and bring His wisdom to you before you start in on the situation. Remind yourself of I Corinthians 13. Pray for guidance. Let your temper subside. "Wise people think before they act; fools don't and even brag about it!" Proverbs 13:16
Ultimately
what I realized through this lesson is although I thought I had
forgiven this person of the hurtful things that he had done to me, I
was still holding that anger and bitterness deep down in my heart.
So deep I wasn't even aware it was there, but it was causing me to
say ungodly and mean things about that person to others. It was
causing me to feel angry at him and still hurt because I hadn't dealt
with it. But this week God pulled some of that out of my heart and
at the end of the church service today I gave that hurt and anger and
bitterness to the Lord and asked him to heal that part of my heart so
that I can have more room for His Joy, His Peace, His Love and His
Grace.
We
all go through difficult things, we all have disagreements with those
around us, we all have emotions that flair up, God created us this
way, those are the things that make us human and special. What he
doesn't want is for us to use those things to hurt others. We were
created to be in communion with the Lord, He should be the center of
all we do, and if he is then when we are faced with these situations
we can react with the love and the grace of the Lord and show those
around us that there is a better way.
